That last paragraph of yours is very revealing. You've discovered that you have a deep-seated sense of insecurity because of the way you were treated by your parents, and when you started to change that -- why, you got pushback from your parents. That's very common. A psychologist you don't hear much of these days, Alfred Adler -- he was another pupil of Freud's, like Jung and Wilhelm Reich -- made himself unpopular by pointing out, accurately, that when a child has emotional problems, the parents very often have a strong emotional investment in the child having those problems, and will do whatever it takes to make sure the child keeps having those problems.
When you change, everyone around you who is used to having you act in a certain way will tend to push back against the changes. Yes, that can be challenging! The best way around that is to move a little at a time. I'd recommend starting with a simple affirmation: "I release my childhood fears" or the like. While you do that, write about those fears and the incidents that caused them, so you can bring the whole tangled mess back up into conscious awareness and recognize that you're not a child any more and don't have to fear what you once feared. The reflexes will go away when the emotional energy underlying them is released, and that's going to involve a lot of remembering.
One further caution: be prepared for serious pushback from your parents no matter what you do. Depending on how much of their own emotional energy is invested in keeping you down, you may have to distance yourself from them a little -- or a lot. These things happen; I haven't spoken to my mother in getting on for 30 years, and cutting off contact with her was a very positive step for me, for reasons not all that different from the ones you've discussed.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2019-11-04 08:15 pm (UTC)When you change, everyone around you who is used to having you act in a certain way will tend to push back against the changes. Yes, that can be challenging! The best way around that is to move a little at a time. I'd recommend starting with a simple affirmation: "I release my childhood fears" or the like. While you do that, write about those fears and the incidents that caused them, so you can bring the whole tangled mess back up into conscious awareness and recognize that you're not a child any more and don't have to fear what you once feared. The reflexes will go away when the emotional energy underlying them is released, and that's going to involve a lot of remembering.
One further caution: be prepared for serious pushback from your parents no matter what you do. Depending on how much of their own emotional energy is invested in keeping you down, you may have to distance yourself from them a little -- or a lot. These things happen; I haven't spoken to my mother in getting on for 30 years, and cutting off contact with her was a very positive step for me, for reasons not all that different from the ones you've discussed.